Tips to educate your child to follow the rules.

Tips to educate your child to follow the rules.


By baka komla | 15/01/2018 | 08:37

In life, we cannot do everything. There are rules to follow.Here are some tips on how to educate your child and teach him/her to follow the instructions, and obey in first place parental authority or another one.

Educate your child: Not easy to pass parental authority.
It is that the stake is of size. It is neither more nor less to make a little being who will both respect the rules of life in society and flourish.
"We do not civilize a child, we give him frames to help him civilize himself, says psychoanalyst Claude Halmos. Learning the laws of the world is not only with the head but also with the body, the heart, the emotions.
Just as concrete is made of cement, the child is built with the law. She becomes an integral part of him. And note: "We can have children who have learned the rules from the outside without having integrated them internally. In adolescence, these children who were said to be so well educated transgress the law. "
Hence the importance of appealing to your child's understanding rather than imposing rules that make no sense to him. To obtain his adhesion rather than pour it into a mold. To teach him to obey rather than to submit.
Still, the exercise of authority is rarely a part of pleasure. Refusing his child what he wants, impose prohibitions on him, it is always a little pain. And no father/mother likes that.
"In life, everything is not possible and it's frustrating," says the psychoanalyst. But it's also liberating. The child who is put on limits will stop living in the illusion that he can always have more, and thus stop feeling unhappy and unloved. Because a child who thinks he can always get more believes that if we do not give him what he wants, it's because we do not like him. "

Educate your child: from 2 years, tell him that there is a limit. We cannot do everything.
To be able to live in society, your child must integrate three fundamental prohibitions:
1. You cannot be the husband/wife of your father/mother . Therefore, you do not go to bed with your parents and let them kiss without anger or try to separate them. If you let go, you validate the incest fantasy of your child , who knows no limit then ...
2. Do not hit the other. Explain it simply: "Your dad does not hit the neighbor every time he increases his TV volume or lets his trash bag hang out in front of the door. You do not slap on your boyfriend because he pissed you off. "
3. We do not have what the other has. We do not seize his toys, we do not spoil his clothes, etc. because it belongs to him and it would hurt him. It's all about getting the message across do not do to others what you do not want us to do to you.

The problem is that, to be able to represent what the other feels, it is necessary that your child has acquired a certain independence on the motor level. That he knows how to manage without the help of anyone in all the little things of everyday life: getting up, going to the bathroom, eating, etc. "Integrate the law, it works with autonomy. You cannot ask a child to do it before 2-3 years," says Claude Halmos.

Educate your child: It is easier to educate with examples. Give him examples.
Explain to your child that you too, have obligations. You cannot walk naked on the street, or buy anything that tempts you. Your child will accept more of the limitations you give him when he understands that you too are accountable.
"A child is built by taking his parents as models," recalls Claude -Halmos. The least of your gestures is a message. If only for road safety, parents are often blamed: they often set a bad example for their children.

Educate your child: make sure the prohibitions are respected.
Even if you have prohibited, it is difficult for your child to give up the satisfaction of his wishes. He also needs to test the barriers you have put in place.
It's up to you to show him that you are ready to enforce them! "A child is very aware of the determination and conviction of the adult," observes Claude Halmos.
Explain to him the reason for your request once (you do not tear off this toy from your brother's hands, it's up to him to decide if he will lend it to you), possibly twice if he does not seem have understood correctly.
But, in the third, be firm: "You heard me very well, now you do what I ask you, that's all. He does not obey? You have the right to show your anger. Announce what will happen: "You know the rule, you will be punished. "
Above all, do not go into endless explanations, you do not have to win at all costs. The more you discuss, the more he will seek to negotiate.

Educate your child: what punishment to choose if he does not obey?
"It's up to each parent to decide, according to their child," says psychoanalyst Claude Halmos. It must of course that the penalty annoys him, otherwise it has no value. It must also be adapted to the fault, neither too severe nor not enough. "
It may just be "now you're going to your room" if you feel like that. "The punishment that will work is that the parent feels able to hold, the one he assumes feeling legitimate," continues Claude Halmos.
If the parent feels that he is hurting his child, it will not work. He will be uncomfortable, he will not have the necessary conviction and the child will feel that there is a possible escape. "

Educate your child: and if he still does not respect the rules?
You have set the rules but nothing to do! Your little one does not respect them. "A child who transgresses systematically can be a child who has difficulties that he cannot say otherwise," observes Claude Halmos.
If your little one constantly disobeys and does stupid things, take the time to talk with him. Listening to him will enable him to become aware of his behavior and to gradually express his anxieties by words instead of putting them into action. "
But, more often than not, a child who constantly disobeys is a child who feels cracks in the barriers that his parents have erected , says the psychoanalyst.
This is usually related to what the parent himself has experienced. Either he did not receive limits when he was small, and he has trouble finding the marks to give to his child. On the contrary, he has the memory of being a victim of the tyranny of adults, subjected to arbitrary, humiliated, and, consciously or unconsciously, he is afraid to impose the same thing on his child. "
Whatever the problem, do not hesitate to consult a therapist. A few sessions may be enough to resolve the situation.

Educate your child: 9 mistakes not to do.
1 - Believe your child will understand and learn the rules alone. He needs you to educate him to grow.
2 - Think that because you explained the rules, it is no longer necessary to impose them. A fighting phase is inevitable.
3 - All forbid. The "all-forbidden" is not only destructive but also counterproductive.
4 - Give orders without explaining, train your child to obey.
5 - Promise a punishment and not give it. You lose all credibility. Next time, he'll look at you with a smirk.
6 - Forbid one day, allow the next day. Your child needs consistency, otherwise, he does not understand anything.
7 - Be terrorized at the thought of hurting your little one. Of course, you impose frustrations on him. But these are normal and inevitable sufferings. It's the same when you ask him not to put his hand in the socket!
8 - Imagine that because you forbid something to your child, you are a bad parent. To love is to educate, on the contrary. ,
9 - To assimilate your child to his actions. . He stole a trinket at the supermarket? There is no point in humiliating him by calling him a thief. We must explain to him what theft is, tell him that he is punished by society and warn him that he himself will be punished if he starts again.



Source: www.magicmaman.com

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